The exhilaration of a new romance can turn even the most level headed
person light-headed and giddy. Quiet often we are all wrapped up in the thrill
of a new relationship, that we ignore the Relationship Red Flags. Ignoring
these relationship red flags will find yourself in a unhealthy relationship.
This is it not your fault and it can happen to anyone. Relationship Red Flags provide
you with a warning that this relationship is not right for you and that you
need to think about your options to end the relationship. While it is tempting
to make excuses for their bad behaviour, ignoring these red flags you will
eventually fall into the trap of trying to make a doomed or worse an abusive
relationship work. Life is too short and precious to share it with someone
who; belittles you, disrespects you, only values you for sex, your appearance or
your ability to earn money. While this
is not a fully comprehensive list, below are five major relationship red flags
that everyone needs to be aware of.
1. Quick to Anger
It’s true, everyone does get angry at some point. However, consider what
is the frequency and ruthlessness of your partners reactions? Are they using
anger to control or manipulate a situation? Is anger being used instil fear onto
another person? Using anger to create fear is a form of intimidation and
control, which will take away your voice in the relationship.
2. Secretive or lying
Honestly is essential for all healthy relationship to flourish. Being private
and being secretive are two different things. Typically a private person will
enjoy time alone, where as a secretive person will attempt to keep you shut off
about certain topics of their life. When asked, a secretive person will shut
down or refuse to share aspects of their life. If your partner is unwilling to communicate
some of the lacklustre details of their life with you. How will you be able to
connect on a more intimate level? You will be always left questioning what are
they hiding? Emotional intimacy in a relationship is knowing the details about
3. Possessive behaviour
Asking questions like How was your day? Can feel normal and harmless. However
when these questions become more invasive such as; Who were you with? What time
did you arrive at the café? When did you leave the café? Is a red flag for
overly possessive behaviour. Especially if these are together with a
over-commitment to knowing your whereabouts.
Unfortunately this is often misinterpreted as them caring for you. It’s
not, they are disrespecting your boundaries.
Checking up on you when they know you are at work, the persistent calls
or text messages or even showing up unexpectedly wherever you are, is
harassment designed for them to gain control in the relationship. Leaving you isolated from your friends and
family. Leaving you with no one to turn
to when the relationship goes sour.
4. Doesn’t say “I’m Sorry”
This may sound like no biggie, but
the inability to say “I’m Sorry”
when at fault does have far-reaching consequences. Refusing to apologise and be
held accountable is a red flag for the perception of inequality within your
relationship. Inequality is either a projection of superiority, where they are
not responsible for any of the wrong doings. Or it can stem from a deep seeded
feeling of inadequacy. By saying “I’m
sorry” would expose them being vulnerable, with the perception of
being open to criticism or rejection. A healthy relationship has both partners
being held responsible for their actions and being able to openly talk about
how their actions affected them.
5. Gut Feelings
It’s different for everybody, but it may feel like a funny tingle, or
that uneasy feeling that something isn’t right. Our bellies do more than just
process the food we eat. Our digestive
system is made up of a extensive network of neurons, that has been nicknamed
our “second brain”. Scientists are beginning to discover that part
of our emotions are influenced by the nerves in our gut. Intuition is a real thing, and we all have it.
Whether your relationship is
showing signs of these red flags or not, remember you deserve to be happy and
it’s better to be single than to be hurt by an unhealthy relationship. If you
are still feeling confused and want to explore your options in a confidential
talk? Call us today for a free 15 minute phone consultation at 0403 747 626.